The Art of Listening

I have spent a good part of my life asking people to tell me their stories. As a journalist, that was the job. But somewhere along the way, it became something more than a job. It became one of the great gifts of my life.

Here is something I have learned after all these years: almost everyone has a story worth hearing. Most of them just need someone willing to listen.

What people teach you when you let them talk

I have interviewed hundreds of people over the years. Farmers and veterans. Widows and children. People who thought they had nothing interesting to say, right up until they said something that stayed with me for years.

A few things I have learned from all that listening:

• The best stories come after the questions stop. People open up once they forget they are being interviewed. The real story often arrives in the quiet, after you put the notebook down.
• Ordinary people hold extraordinary history. The man who fixed your car may have stormed a beach. The woman at church may have marched somewhere that mattered. You never know until you ask.
• Silence is a tool. When someone pauses, resist the urge to fill it. Let it sit. People will step into that silence and tell you the thing they came to tell you.
• Everyone wants to be remembered. Underneath almost every story is the same quiet hope: that their life mattered, and that someone will carry it forward.

Why I keep doing it

People sometimes ask why I care so much about local history and the folks who lived it. The answer is simple.

Once a person is gone, their stories go with them, unless someone wrote them down. Every time I sit with someone and really listen, I am trying to catch a little of that before it slips away. I have felt the loss of the ones I did not get to in time, and it aches.

So I keep asking. I keep listening. And I keep writing it down.

A small challenge for you

You do not have to be a journalist to do this. You just have to be curious and willing to listen.

• Call the oldest person in your family this week.
• Ask them one real question about their life.
• Then stop talking, and let them answer.

You may be surprised what you hear. And one day, you may be very glad you asked.

The stories are all around us. All we have to do is listen.

Tressa Bush